Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
