"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
