btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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