who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
