I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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