Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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