Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
