sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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