Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
