he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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