Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
FUCK WHALES
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
