I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
