his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
