you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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