He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the raccoons are back...
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