best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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