im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
