I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I met the friendliest cop last night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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