Ketchup is God's man juice
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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