Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
