Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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