how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
