you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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