i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
