Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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