Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
