Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
