So drunk, too bad you don't want this
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
