Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
