Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
