I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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