if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He shit in the fireplace
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
