Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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