It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
