Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
