I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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