mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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