Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
