you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
