Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
