Dual....:-)
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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