Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
