we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
false alarm. still invincible.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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