I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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