Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
