i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
