All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
