I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
