i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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