you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
