..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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