Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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