I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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