You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
