We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
