The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
