Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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