they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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