I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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