booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
