Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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