She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
