At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
