She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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