She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
