allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
