they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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