I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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