i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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