i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
