When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
