The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize