is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
