Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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