Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
