I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
