i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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